Elizabeth Cheung is Elder Sam and Amy's daughter
Growing up I’ve always know Jesus. I can’t remember a Sunday not spent at church or any meal at home begun without a prayer. My parents always lived out their faith and I went along, but I couldn’t truly understand salvation. I was so exposed to Christianity and just always assumed I was a Christian, but I didn’t really accept Jesus into my heart until I was about 7. I honestly can’t remember who lead me, but I remember repeating the prayer during a VBS. While I was younger, I always was afraid of not being a real Christian, that when I died I wouldn’t go to heaven. After watching movies like “Left Behind,” I was always scared that Jesus would come back and I wouldn’t be raptured and I would have to live in a chaotic world with the anti-Christ. Back then, to me being a Christian was just hearing Bible stories and memorizing Bible verses.
As I attended LYF, I definitely grew in my faith. I felt that the lessons taught went beyond Bible stories and I could apply them in my everyday life. During my first LYF retreat, God revealed himself to me. For the first time, I realized that this Christian faith was so much more than I thought it was. Church is not just some gathering of Asian people on Friday nights and Sunday mornings. Our God isn’t some far off supreme being that tells us what we can and can’t do. Our faith is a constant, intimate relationship with a Savior who loves us more than we can ever imagine. Coming back from that retreat, I had a spiritual high and wanted to truly live my life for Him.
Though I wanted to live a life with Jesus at the center, it was a constant struggle for me. I wasn’t willing follow Him with all of my heart, I wasn’t ready to let things go that had been so important to me—like friends, materials, and academics. I could do the Christian thing on Fridays and Sundays, but at school it was like I was a different person. It was so easy for me to be like everyone else and I had become so used to the things that bothered me before like swearing and gossip. I always wanted to please people and I based my self-worth in whether people like me or not. In eighth grade, I found myself being emotionless, I’d go through all the action, like singing in worship, praying, doing my devotions, but I’d feel nothing. I try to make myself happy through buying things or hanging out with friends.
Eventually I realized that I could only be satisfied with Jesus. In 9th grade, God really changed me in the inside. When I look in my journals I can see the change, my old entries where filled with gossip and superficial things and now my entries have become my prayers to God. I started to want to do my devos and talk about my faith to my non-Christian friends. God also taught me about how our walk of faith isn’t meant to be done alone, we need fellow Christians to help us along and encourage us. Last year, I definitely grew in my faith through my wonderful accountability group with Christina Feng and Karen Shu. When we met, we could share about everything from Harriet Tubman projects to our spiritual struggles.
I had been thinking about baptism ever since entering LYF as a seventh grader, but every time the opportunity for baptism came, something got in the way. Though I always knew I loved Jesus and believed in Him, I used to think that I wasn’t ready because I had to achieve a certain level or spirituality before getting baptized. Another thing that had kept me back from baptism was that fact that I didn’t understand God. I couldn’t understand why he let some Christians who passionately love Him, suffer, while He could their suffering and bring glory to His name. For a time I didn’t truly believe that God gave us only what we could handle. I still don’t fully understand God and I know I never will, but He has shown me His faithfulness and how he can make good in all circumstances.
Last September was the closest I came to getting baptized. Though I later realized my parents wouldn’t be back in time for my baptism, what truly held me back was that I felt unworthy. I felt that I had been so fake at church in the past and that I truly didn’t take my relationship with God seriously. For the first time I saw how far from God’s holiness I was. Before I had taken Jesus’ sacrifice on the Cross so lightly; as if my sins were small and insignificant and so I didn’t really need his grace. With this realization I also felt unworthy to lead LYF on LYTE team. I saw myself leading lessons at GF that I didn’t put into practice or even sometimes even believe in. God used other people to show me that I can receive salvation not because I’m good enough, it’s the exact opposite, it’s because I’m so unworthy and need Jesus that I can receive salvation. After I had realized how truly sinful and undeserving I was, God showed me that I can’t dwell in that self-pity but I just need to accept His grace and live like I’m free from sin through His death on the Cross.
During this past TC and up to now, talking to my brothers and sisters in Christ have helped come to this decision and thank you to all of you. In [bible verse], Jesus commands us to become baptized. For all of you who are considering baptism, I want to encourage you to do so; it’s a simple decision where the only requirement is that you’ve accepted Jesus in your heart. In the Bible, new believers were baptized right on the spot, before they had time for any spiritual growth. This ceremony of being dipped in water is nothing more than a symbolic action. Getting baptized might make me closer to God and it might not. The change won’t happen through the action, it happens in the heart through a relationship with Him. I’m getting baptized because I need Jesus and without Him my life is meaningless. I’m getting baptized because I want to publicly say that I am a sinner who needs God grace. Thank you.