Tommy Yan
March 11, 2007
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” – 1 John 4: 8-11
Although I will never be able to comprehend the love that Jesus Christ has shown for me, I understand enough to live out my life for him. I stand here renewed and reborn. I deeply appreciate the guidance I have received from my friends, my counselors, and my family. However most importantly, I praise God for the ways he has worked in my life and ultimately leading me to this day.
My first memories of Christianity and church were in California. CCIC (Chinese Church in Christ), located in San Jose was the first church that I remember attending as an elementary school student. My parents as well as my grandparents who were visiting from China were eventually saved through this church. At the time it was the only Chinese church in the area and until recently I have learned that it has flourished and expanded into five other churches. Anyways, I attended Sunday School mainly because my parents dragged me with them. I joined with the other kids singing songs and I knew most of the clichéd answers but I do not think that I truly believed in Him. I became friends with some of the kids at church and started to attend regularly to hang out with them and trade Pokemon cards. My relationship with Christ was small and did not have much substance, I never read my Bible outside of church and paid little attention during sermons.
Winter 2000, my family moved to from Fremont, California to North Andover, Massachusetts. We found a local group of Christians and eventually started to attend CBCGL regularly. At the time, being new and afraid of meeting new people, I would cry and battle my parents to just not go to Awana on Fridays. Later on, I attended VBS that summer and really started to look at Christianity seriously. I eventually made friends and my relationship with God grew. I started to think about the sermons and Sunday School classes. I thought I was ready for baptism once I entered Youth Group but I held back because I was still unsure about my faith.
So why haven’t I been baptized after numerous retreats, community service projects, sermons, and Sunday School classes? I realized it was easier to say yes and acknowledge God when I was younger and struggled to grasp onto him as I matured. The challenges and stresses of high school, society, and family hindered my relationship with God. Not until recently had I felt a true connection with God and not until recently have I thought of three realizations and events that have led me to this day.
First, LYF Retreat 2004 was a major turning point of my spiritual life. The messages that Ian Ma shared truly moved me. His ability to share personal stories about God’s grace and power made me deeply think about my life. I knew that I wanted His love and forgiveness but I was imprisoned by my pride and self-dependence. I felt spiritually full after a truly memorable weekend and made promises to myself and God. Sadly, my first experience of a spiritual high eventually wore off and I returned to my old habits. I realize now that I depended on retreats to keep me spiritually filled. I lacked the courage and faith to glorify God in my daily life. My spiritual life would climb to a height and then eventually tumble in a matter of weeks. God has worked in my life so that currently I can maintain a spiritual well being without dependence on retreats and other large events. Yes, of course they do lift me up but through devotions and reading his Word, I can feel his presence on a more daily and intimate level.
Second, Boston Project during the summer of 2005 presented me a different perspective of the world. Involved in a week of community service work, evangelizing, and poor living conditions, I realized just how much I was blessed by God. I recognized how privileged I was despite my constant complaints to my parents and materialistic mindset. However, I felt I was glorifying myself through acts and working to impress God through my good deeds. Recently I have understood that God wants us to be Christ-centered rather than self-centered. My actions should not be fueling my pride, but glorifying Jesus Christ. God wants me to be weaker so I can rely on Him more and be humbled.
Third and lastly, I have come to realize the true meaning and purpose of baptism. I wondered what the point of baptism was for a long time. I mean, I believed that God sent his son to die for our sins, that I could have eternal life through Jesus Christ, and that He is a powerful and loving savior. I thought my life and my actions pleased God and my life was well. I did not understand why this was not enough to be a follower of God. I have realized that even by being a believer, it is not a sufficient substitute to baptism. Although it is not necessarily wrong to be not baptized, it is a commandment of God and should be followed through in honor of His name. I think it is important to declare publicly that I am a believer and follower of Christ. Another reason for my baptism is because it encourages others. By being a family in Christ, we are inspired by witnessing others declare their faith. Lastly, I want to encourage God through my baptism. I think that God is pleased when we take the right steps and I am certain that my declaration of faith will bring him joy.
Through Jesus Christ, I feel I am becoming the person I want to be and becoming the person that He wants me to be. Conversations about my faith are no longer awkward and difficult, I feel that they have meaning and can change lives in ways both big and small. I also can pray with confidence because I know that even though I am stained with sins, God will still hear my prayers. He is passionately committed to his own name which we bear. I still struggle with things for sure and I know that my life will not be perfect from here on out. But, I am also certain that God will continue to work in my life and help me overcome my sins and future struggles.